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When I was growing up, “homemaking” meant rotating the same couple of casseroles most weeks, never sitting on the throw pillows in the living room, which, contrary to it’s name—was not for any sort of living, and vacuuming straight lines into the carpets before company came over. It seemed to be all about appearances. (Heaven forbid someone see we actually had laundry, haha.)
But somewhere between our first teeny tiny Oklahoma townhouse with thrifted and secondhand everything and now owning not one, but two different styles of gravy boats and using them—I’ve realized that making a home isn’t always what we thought (or were taught). It’s not just the chores, or the decor, or even the food. It’s the all the stuff underneath. The daily rhythms, the tiny comforts, the stuff no one else sees.
Here are five things I’ve figured out after 25 years of homemaking that I think everyone should know.
1. You’re Allowed to Make It Yours—Right Now
Not someday when you can afford new furniture or to finish the kitchen reno you started yourself. Not when you finally hang that gallery wall you’ve been talking about and planning for four years. Not when the kids (or grand-babies) stop coloring on everything you own. Right. Now.
Light the candles, use the good blanket, put up the silly photo booth strip from your cousin’s wedding in a frame. Whatever makes your house feel more like you, do more of that. Even if it clashes. Even if it’s a $7 statue of Santa from HomeGoods (which, by the way, is a great find!).
2. The Vibe Matters More Than the Vacuuming
Listen, clean floors are so great. But you know what’s even better? Feeling comfortable and relaxed in your own space. A home that smells like dinner, with music always on in the kitchen, and socks left on the floor in the family room (thanks babe)—those are good signs. That’s life being lived.
I used to think I had to get everything “done” before I could relax. Now I know—a peaceful home isn’t about spotless counters. It’s about soft lamps and cozy corners and people who feel safe being themselves. “Everything” is never really done anyway, so…
3. Quiet Rituals Are Everything
This one took me a while to really get my mind around. But somewhere along the way, I realized the things I do over and over are actually what shape the feeling of our home. Lighting the same candles in the morning to “wake up” the house. Playing music in the kitchen after coffee time, but before everyone gets out the door in the morning. Folding down the comforter and strategically stacking the (way too many) throw pillows (which Jay HATES) before bed. These tiny things become a rhythm. They tell your brain, this is home and you’re safe here.
4. You Don’t Have to Keep Everything “Just in Case”
This one might ruffle some feathers (especially if your mom has a cabinet full of Cool Whip containers). But you’re allowed to let go of the things you don’t use, don’t like, and don’t want to keep. It’s okay. Good even.
Decluttering is emotional. And personal. And yes, sometimes totally exhausting. But it’s also one of the fastest ways to create space—both physically and mentally. And you’ll be shocked how much more peaceful your home feels with fewer things and more intention. Really, it’s huge—you should consider giving it a go.
5. It’s Okay if Your Home Is a Little Weird
My daughter keeps a rock she found on vacation on her nightstand like it’s a precious heirloom. I have a friend who decorates with gnomes year-round. Me? I keep wooden spoons in a giant vintage crock that looks like it came from someone’s pioneer-era root cellar. These little quirks? That’s the good stuff.
It took me a long time to figure out that home gets better when it has a little personality, a little bit of “you” baked into the corners. In fact, I believe that’s the main difference between a house and a home—the personality. Perfection is out (and being a huge perfectionist myself, this was a hard pill to swallow, but I’m so glad I did). Personality is way in. 🙌🏻
So, no—maybe our moms didn’t teach us all of these things. But we still get to learn them. And pass them on. Because a good home isn’t just made with elbow grease and good curtains (though that’s a great start). It’s made with thoughtfulness. And time. And probably a few quirky rocks and wooden spoons too, if we’re lucky.
So, what is it that makes your home, home—I’d love to know?
